Category: Humor

What Calbert Learned Lately

"Life, schmife - if I ain't getting doggy bacon strips, something is seriously wrong, my friend."
“Life, schmife – if I ain’t getting doggy bacon strips, something is seriously wrong, my friend.”

You know how life shifts, and suddenly takes over, and you’re left wondering what just hit you, and if it left a mark, and if it matches your shirt or will you have to change, and your wife will ask you why you didn’t come home and pre-treat it, because that blood stain will never come out now?

Or is that just me?… Probably just me.

Anyway,  you realize that the summer just vanished, you’ve not touched your corner of the interthingie since last spring, and you’ve just been moving from point A to point B while getting hit by bus C and recovering in ditch D.


So, here’s a few things Calbert learned along the way… Read more

Hi, Breathe Peeps!!


A truly competent blogger would have had something in place when a post he wrote got published on another blog.

A truly competent blogger would have had something ready, to say HI to folks who stop by to check out the weirdness and fluffy goodness from this dude over here, and to invite them, in the immortal words from the Beverly Hillbillies, to “Y’all come back now, hear?”

 A truly competent blogger and writer would have had a post more current than the Third Age to greet those folks when they arrived.

*sigh* And a truly competent blogger I are not. Bad Calbert. Bad, bad Calbert. Read more

Ankle Biter Air Travel

This is a request to the parents out there, taking their little bundles of joy (and drool) on a fun-filled flight across how ever many miles to show them off / let them get loved on / get a instant babysitter at Gee-Gaw and Pee-Paw’s place.

As for the big bundles of joy (and drool), you’re on your own with them.

My request: Get off the plane and head down the ramp. Do not stop for anything – an undercarriage flush, an oil change (or changing the “filter”), getting the fluids topped off (or drained), or any detailing you might think of doing before you come ’round the bend to the sounds of delight and screaming.

Just. Get. Down. Here. Read more

Phabulous Photo Phriday – The Cardinals Elect A New BEKA!

Beka hasn’t chosen a new name for her reign as The Beka, so we’ll see what happens as she settles into her new digs.

(I have no idea what any of that means…)

But I think it’s time for another Bekapalooza on the Phabulous Photo Phriday…

“Well it’s dang well about time…”

And now, the poetic side of The Beka…

To sleep…

Perchance to dream…

“Yo – photo boy. Yeah, you – Mr. Put-out-less-than-flattering-pics-of-The-Beka-and-make-her-say-things-contrary-to-her-sweet-and-loving-nature. Unless you want to be wearing drafty underwear for the next 5 years, KNOCK IT OFF!”

“An artist of my caliber shouldn’t have to put up with poopy like this. Really.”

Since The Beka is coming up on her first birthday, I thought a little perspective would help. Hopefully you can see this well enough:

On the right, adoption day. On the left, growing into the underwear-shredding machine we all know and love…
That was then… (June 16, 2012)
And this is now… (whenever the heck I took this pic – in the last 6 weeks. Maybe)

 *sigh* We’re in SO much trouble. And really happy about it.

“You alright there, old man?”   “Bring it, furface.”

Thanks for joining us for another Phabulous Photo Phriday. Tune in next week to hear BekaV say…

“About that ‘no pets allowed’ thing in the Palace? Fuggedaboudit.”

Phabulous Photo Phriday – Running Man Edition

… I have no idea what that means.

Welcome to another Phabulous Photo Phriday, Philled with Phun, Phancy, and Phrippery!

Thus endeth the whole silly “ph” thingie. You can thank me in the comments section. Amen.

Anyway, I’ve been messing with photo filters and such this last week, so in a short little thing here, I thought I’d post a few of ’em. I do have a few that weren’t so recent, to kind of get the ball rolling…

These first couple are from a ride on the Musketawa Trail, in the part I refer to as the Forest Cathedral…

Musketawa Trail, added some effects from iPhoto
Same place, different angle, played with the colors and exposure
I’m the village idiot of digital photo manipulation, since I just monkey around with iPhoto for the most part. People who are Photoshop wizards make me bow in awesomeness awe.
Mackinac Island, colors monkeyed with, vignette applied. Or something like that.
Then came PhotoMagic on my iPhone, kind of training wheels for playing with a picture…
BekaV, experiment #1. The fans dig it.
BekaV, experiment #2. I’m loving the ‘painted on wood’ feel. The Proofreader, on the other hand, ain’t feelin’ it.
BekaV, experiment #3. Feels like a party outside under the lights, which pretty much describes her personality…
BekaV, experiment #4. My friend The Gov thinks this is her “I am SUPERDOG” portrait. Yup. I see it. I feel it. Good call!
BekaV, experiment #5. My friend Paul pointed me toward MangaCamera which produces this sort of thing.
BekaV, experiment #6. I LOVE this one. Totally the precursor for BekaV: The Graphic Novel. Remember – you saw it here first!
And, I messed around with a scan from our wedding, actually a photocopy of a picture Herself’s Dad took…
I love this picture – it always looks like I’m saying, “You alright, sweetie?” And she replies, “Dear Father in Heaven, WHAT HAVE I DONE?” And I respond, “Hey – I gave you any NUMBER of opportunities to come to your senses.” Then she throws up on my shoe.
Ok – I might be reading a little too much into that pic. I put a sharpen filter on it in PhotoMagic, and I LOVE how it came out. So much, that I did one more thing to it…
Sharpened, vintage filter, and a border. Absolutely love this treatment of one of my favorite pictures from over 30 years ago.

Truth be told, sometimes there’s no need to mess with anything… (with huge props to Papa Bill, who did a wonderful job capturing that special day!)

Why play around when perfection is already present? After all, in my eyes she still looks just like this… and always will.
Dat’s da fact, Jack.

Thanks for joining us for another Phabulous Photo Phriday! Tune in next time to hear BekaV say…

“Perfection? You lookin’ for perfection? YOU CAN’T HANDLE PERFECTION!
Well played, BekaV – well played…

Phabulous Photo Phriday!! (now with extra protein!)

It’s that time again!

No – not that time… THIS time.

Another Phabulous Photo Phriday!

And since I, the keeper of the Fluffy Goodness, am longing for spring, absence of snow, less mud (eventually) as BekaV continues to try and find ancient ruins in the back yard, and most importantly HITTING THE TRAIL ON A TRIKE, well, it seems meet and right (or is that MEAT and right?) to roll out with a bunch of…


(Meet? Meat? Bacon?)

(Mmmm… bacon.)

To get this party started, let’s put up a really, really crappy photo from years and years ago…

Our very first ride to Rockford. 5 miles. Each way. Almost killed me, but in a good way. Who would have thought pedaling 480 pounds 5 miles was hard??

Make note of that signpost – you’re gonna see it again. Ok, Sherman – set the Wayback machine for April, 2010…

This is a prototype of The Rover, the first TerraTrike with a 400 lb weight capacity. And this is Cal, 6 weeks out from bariatric surgery. A match made in heaven – really.

 So, that day the Rover was ordered, and faster than anyone expected, like in June or so…

Rover in da house! On the trail. Something like that…

The Rover arrived, Cal jumped on, and the adventure began…

Rover at the beach in Holland!
Rover on the porch in da UP!
Rover rides to Rockford!
Rover on our own three-wheeled Labor Day Bridge Walk… um, RIDE!

And the fans went wild!…

Vicki on her TerraTrike Tour. Spiffy bandage optional but highly recommended…

And there was great riding and rejoicing in the land…

Which came to a screeching halt after the snow flew… Although a few trips were made in the cold. Just not dashing through the snow, in a three-wheeled open trike.

And when the seasons rolled around, through some pretty amazing events, there was a change in the roster…

Hello, Big Blue!

Rover got deployed to a new assignment, bringing RoverLove to another grateful household, and Big Blue came home to become Cal’s sweet new ride.

Nice fit, eh?

And so began the adventures of Big Blue…

Big Blue has been to Rockford!
Big Blue has been to Ravenna!
Big Blue has been to Ada! (Hi, Donnie!)
Big Blue has been to Cedar Springs!
Big Blue has been on a Bridge Walk! Um… ride.
Big Blue has been to Biggby!
Once or twice…
Perhaps even thrice…
ALRIGHT! A honkin’ lot! There! I said it!

And where Big Blue goes…

My sweetie’s first ride to Ravenna!

My beloved goes too! (Usually.) (Sometimes.) (Frequently.)

Ezzie the Wonder Dog in her plush ride.

Ezzie also enjoyed trike rides. And yes, we miss having her along…

Homegirl’s first trike ride… cried the whole time. Up hill. Both ways.

BekaV? Well, she wasn’t a huge fan the first time, and promptly outgrew the trailer. So her trike career is on hold…

But the biggies for Big Blue?

Big Blue made the paper!

Being in an article about TerraTrike in the Grand Rapids Press!

And, somehow Cal ended up on the TerraTrike website as the “face” of the Rover!

Yup – sometimes when you go to the TT site, you see my big ol’ face right up there. And yet, they continue to do lots of business. Go figure…

Another biggie? Traveling to Mackinac Island… Twice!

The only State Highway anywhere with NO motor vehicle traffic!

With my beloved, the native Yooper…

Talk about a trike with a view! Oh, and the beach is nice, too…

 Where there be horses.

13″ off the ground = watch out for horse exhaust!

Finally, one of Cal’s favorite places…

Aah – that’s the stuff.

The Musketawa Trail…

Heading from Marne toward Conklin

Where a part of my heart remains, even during the cold winter months.

Can’t wait to get back out there!

Now, I’m not complaining – I love Michigan, I love the change of seasons, I’m really content…

February, 2012. Yes, I said FEBRUARY.

Sort of.

Even so, quickly come Spring. *sigh*

Thanks for joining us for another Phabulous Photo Phriday! Tune in next week to hear BekaV say…

“Ain’t gonna put ME in no stinkin’ trailer! HAH!”

Keep laughing, furface – we’ve got PLANS for you…

To Be Continued…

Phabulous Photo Phriday! (on Saturday…)

Sometimes you make it. You do it. You finish, you accomplish, you “git ‘er done!”

And sometimes, not.

So to make up for the fact that this Phabulous Photo Phriday is actually on Saturday, I present a post brought to you by the letter…


As in…


Now that I have your complete attention, I’ll proceed… See, it’s no secret that I’m a huge fan of The Pioneer Woman. P-Dub-Wub-Diddy is da bomb. And I don’t care who knows that I feel that way.

In fact, I have a dream of being asked to come down to their ranch to play my little whistles and such for a party or something. Everybody needs a dream, even if it’s just waffles.

Since P-Dub is a fabulous cooking star and blogger, I thought I’d take one more step closer to her awesomeness by doing a food post. Thus bringing her awesomeness into sharp focus when compared to my own. And thus balance is achieved in the world. Amen.

So, on to a Wonderful Wacky Window into Weird… (Crap – just used every W word I know. Oh well – hopefully nobody will notice.)

W is for…

Work it! As in, get that mix in da bowl. And yes, someone my wife knows and loves did make that fabulous pot holder beneath the bowl. Modesty prevents me telling you who that is. Instead, let me go on with…

Water! As in, put de lime in the coconut and… no. Not that.

Way cool! As in, my little Rachael Ray lazy spoon. The better not to drip stuff all over the little pot holder thingie under the bowl. Although I still did that – keep reading…

Well, I told ya! As in, my little Rachael Ray lazy spoon. Being un-lazy prior to being lazy once again.

Way it works! As in, here it is in action.

 Warm! As in, how this butter is supposed to be…

Whoops! As in, I had no idea how grungy my microwave was… pretend you didn’t see this, ok?

Warm! As in, how this butter is supposed to be…

Whew! As in, hopefully nobody noticed. Just keep going, Waffle Boye…

Wet! As in, wet ingredients in da house… bowl… thing.

Whip it! Whip it good! As in, pop music has had WAAAY too big of an influence on me.

Wiring! As in, make sure you’re not trying to use the toaster or the microwave when you turn this puppy on. 100+ year old house – that’s all I’m sayin’.

Awesome! As in, I just want the world to know that I have a Lemonjello’s coffee mug. Bow down to my superior awesomeness, all ye drinking from S*******s cups. HAH!

Why-the-heck-haven’t-I-been-using-this-thing? As in, I’ve had this Pampered Chef oil sprayer pressure pump mist thingie for years, but never used it. Now it’s the tool of fabulous for the waffle process.

We Get It On! As in, time to quit yak yak yakin’ and get to wafflin’.

Willy Wonka As in, when he didn’t say “A little spritzing now and then is relished by the wisest men!” (ok – smile, keep moving and nobody will catch that one…)

Wafflepalooza! As in, here we go. FINALLY!

Wham! As in, down go de lid… (“Shut de lid, cook up de waffle. Shut de lid, cook de waffle in de iron…”)

Wrist action! As in, now we flip de iron over to cook de waffle.

Waiting! As in, um, … never mind. You get this one.

Wretched man! As in, totally forgot to add that little special something that Herself likes in a waffle…

Work it in! As in, as long as she doesn’t get the first waffle, she’ll never know… Until she reads this. D’oh!

Weesa DONE! As in, tender fluffy goodness comin’ out!

What the HECK! As in, what my non-butter-loving honey ALWAYS says when butter is applied in any greater quantity than “barely scraped over the extreme edge of something.” And, for the record, the butter was cold, the waffle was slightly warm, and it hadn’t melted yet. So there. My waffle, my rules. Phbbbt.

Sorry you had to see that. Back to Waffles

Weapons of warfare! As in, what we use to wage waffle war…

We Rollin’! As in, here’s how we be rollin’ wif dem waffles ’round here…

What the heck 2! As in, which is worse – a pool of pure sugar in blessed liquid form (remembering that my post-surgical self doesn’t do well with a lot of sugar)… -or- …

Wondrous to behold! As in, the perfect proportions of butter and a touch of brown sugar to provide just enough goodness to accompany a perfect waffle. I think the evidence is pretty clear. So there. I win. Yay me.

W!@@#$%#$#@@!##$%#@#$!!!!!! As in, the reaction of BekaV upon discovering that waffle love doesn’t trickle down to doggies (at least while momma is right there watching…).

Wiped clean! As in, my plate. For the record, Herself had a pool left over, which required another (small) waffle. Hmm… perhaps she has found a more excellent way. DANG!

Thanks for being along for another Phabulous Photo Phriday (on Saturday)! Tune in next time to hear BekaV say…

“This Phabulous Photo Phriday is brought to you by the letter S, as in SHREDDING daddy’s shorts. No waffle love for doggies – nice…”