Had another gain this week – 4 lbs. There are just some issues going on that are deeper than just cheating on the program or whatever. So, counseling is on the horizion. And, going back on the anti-depressant meds. A little discouraging…
BUT at least I’m open to it, finally. I’ve been resisting the counseling for a while now, but it’s become clear that in order for my new behavior to really take hold, there’s some junk that needs to be swept out first.
It’s tough for a Christian to admit to mental issues – after all, aren’t we supposed to be able to handle anything? Aren’t we supposed to rely on Christ for our sufficiency? Does this just prove that I simply don’t walk closely enough with Him? Believe me, I’ve kicked these questions and more around in my noggin for a couple of weeks now, especially when it became evident that the depression symptoms were surfacing again.
So, where does all this pondering leave me? Ready to admit that I don’t understand all the complexity that makes up our brains, especially when it comes to something like a chemical imbalance. And, ready to accept that while I can work on modifying my behavior and thought pattern, sometimes it takes an outside source to identify clearly what is going on inside. And, feeling a deep desire not to wallow in depression again – losing hours just sitting, eating, and not doing much else.
And, it leaves me hopeful that these steps can clear some of the fog, the flatness that comes when depression sets in, so that I can work my way back toward the joy of my salvation. Easing the greyness of my thoughts these days so that the Son can once again reign in my life. Getting back some balance so I can continue the journey forward. Maybe even actually having something cheery to blog about, instead of the ponderous writings of late. Blame it on Topher – he’s the one who talked me into doing this thing in the first place 🙂
Hey – I made a funny. Things are looking up already 😀 Have a good holiday, friends – I think mine’s gonna be better than I expected!