Ok – how do you do this blog thing again???

Greetings, all 2.72 (and falling) of you who actually read this thang. It’s been a cool, interesting, disappointing, and fast August.

The cool? Having our niecelet, Kassi down for a whole week. People my age shouldn’t try to have that much fun in that short of an amount of time. Included in the festival were: a day trip to Chicago, a walk at Meijer Gardens, shopping at Rivertown, the Dark Night in IMAX, smoothies, Chinese food at Ming Ten… whew!

The interesting? I played three Sunday nights at Susie’s Cafe in GR. Found that folks that go there regularly really dig my music. So, I’ll be planning some other trips there in the future. But not at night – they’re only open nights in the summer for ice cream. So we might do some Friday lunch music in October, and some Holiday lunch things in December. We’ll see. But it was a fabulous time.

The disappointing? I think I already mentioned that I was turned down for the third time by our insurance for bariatric surgery. And with that, I officially gave up trying. I’ve gotten weary of the whole insurance thing, where I play the part of the mouse in the wheel, and they play the part of the 5 year old kid trying to knock the mouse off the wheel.

I’m at 470 lbs., and the whole summer went by without me doing anything about that. No bike riding, because the bike that was custom built for me missed a major dimension, and it’s too big for my short legs. The knees are hellish, it’s hard to move, and I begin to understand how someone decides one day to just lay down and not get up.

Although I have it on good authority that if I try and go that route, certain people will be “all up in my grill about that.” 😀 Knowing the person that told me that, I totally believe it… It has crossed my mind, tho – what is the point at which someone just gives up? How does someone decide one day that they’re down, and they’re not getting up. How does a person get to 600, 700, 800 lbs without anyone convincing them otherwise?

On the other hand, if someone has given up, no amount of talking in the world can get through to them, I’d suspect. It scares me to think of being so desolate, so lonely, so depressed that laying down and not getting up again is your only option. And it scares me that it might be me someday who doesn’t get up. I hope it isn’t, but still…

The fast? Summer is gone. And I never got out to enjoy it. I sat enthralled by my computer, wasting precious time I could have been out in the sunshine. Now the dark days are coming, and it’s too late.

God and I are still not on a first-name basis yet. My heart remains a cold stone, not moved by worship, and I wonder what it will take to thaw it out.

Depressing? Yeah. But that’s what’s been roaming around in my head lately. And sometimes, the first step to changing things is cleaning out the ol’ brainpan and getting rid of some of the crap. 😀

4 comments

  1. Hannah says:

    Your honesty is refreshing in a world that at times is so consumed with placing a pretty bow at the end of a story. Keep the faith and remember that Lord is Faithful and true, but sometimes the only thing that brings us to that point is time. See you Saturday! 🙂

  2. Anonymous says:

    Sounds like you need a trip down to Nashville! Chasing around/Keeping up with 2 year old McMulder is a guaranteed weight loss program! Plus, you get to see us, and good music abounds (as does the worship down here, plenty of highly skilled ministers/worship leaders…I also hear there is this guitar player down here with curly hair who can be found at area churches…).

    I’ve never known you to be a quitter. If you were, I don’t think Angelica’s Waltz would have ever have been finished, let alone a follow up album.

    I see no need to give up at this point. What is the worst that can happen? Nothing changes. Perhaps after the umpteenth time they will say “This guy again?!? Lets just approve this to get him off our backs!”

    Could happen, stranger things sure have hppened (we both happened to find wives who can tolerate us :)…).

    Later
    Slim Jim

  3. Cal says:

    Thanks, Hannah. 😀 Can’t wait for Saturday!

    You’re right, Slim Jim – a trip to NashVegas sounds like great therapy. We’re actually pondering that – going to MO in September for a wedding, and thinking about swinging WAY east to visit. Hmmm… If I just “happen” to bring my laptop and Firepod and a mic, perhaps I could get some guitar and Mando for the first Hymn project. Then the trip turns into a business expense!!! I’ll be in touch. Really. 😀

  4. jenelle says:

    My dear friend, I wish I had profound words to share with you. But instead I’ll let the Holy Spirit speak those words to our heavenly Father on your behalf.

    Annoy the crap out of the insurance folk, or having a lawyer bug them for you. We couldn’t get disability for my dad until lawyers got involved. Just a thought.

    You are worth it. Surround yourself with all of us who love you and believe that to be true.

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