I’m sorry Mom, but…

For those just joining our story… this is one of “The Stones,” a series of posts that are part of Cal’s personal journal. They aren’t necessarily funny, winsome, or thought-provoking – just things that are laid down so they can be referred to later, as signposts in his walk through faith and life… Viewer discretion is advised.

I’m sorry Mom, but you were wrong. At 48 years of age, I’ve come to the place where I need to get rid of some stuff that I learned a long time ago. I love you dearly, Mom, but this stuff just isn’t right… for me, that is.

And yes, I did wait until you were gone to Glory before announcing this. A coward I am. Stupid I am not.

Fat people must always wear dark colors, to blend in. Mom, the truth is I could wear all black, stand in front of a black wall, in a black room, in a black house, on a black planet, and I’d still be visible from the Hubble. So why should I relegate myself to the most dismal shades of color known to man when it does no good? Therefore, I proudly wear purple a lot, I wear really loud shirts, even on the platform at Church on Sunday morning, and I do so with joy. Now, there are limits to this – dark pants for example. It’s one thing to be visible to the Hubble, but quite another to draw a bullseye on your butt.

When a fat person walks into a room, everyone looks at them and thinks, “dear heavens, what a pig! What a huge, disgusting person.” Nope. They don’t. Well, some of them do, and when they do, I tend to look right back at them and laugh. Most of the time, they’re minding their own business, living life, talking to others, and could care less about the activities of the super morbidly obese. Those that do notice, and use it as an opportunity for satiric commentary to their peeps have deep and wide-ranging issues of their own. I pity them.

You really shouldn’t wear shorts in public, because people stare at your big leg and judge you on that appearance. Nope. When it’s above 80 outside, I refuse to wear long pants just so people won’t see my Popeye leg, all covered in its compression stocking. It’s not a deformity, and it’s not hideous, so why should I suffer in the heat just to cover it? As for those who stop and stare, it doesn’t lessen me at all. And let’s face it – it is pretty weird looking. 😀

Fat people should try and blend in, since everyone judges you on your appearance. Sorry. As mentioned previously, I couldn’t blend in if I tried. I am who I am, and trying to hide that is not worth the effort. That doesn’t mean that I’m not working to change my size, but it’s for my health and well-being, not for appearance.

People see a fat person and immediately assume you’re lazy and stupid. You know, some people do actually think like that. They have my pity, since they obviously have issues. I am fat, but I’m not lazy, nor am I even slightly stupid. And I refuse to let their stereotypes become my reality.

You must be conscious of your appearance at all times, since you already have a disadvantage being fat, and people judge you on that. There’s a balance here. I always try to look appropriate when leaving the house, and be aware of what I’m wearing and how it makes me appear. But I refuse to determine my worth by what others might think of me. And no, I don’t have a disadvantage because I’m fat. I have health issues, and I need to pursue getting healthy, but that’s for me, not because of how others judge me.

And for the record, no one but Vicki (and various health professionals, who get paid the big bucks to endure such things) will ever ever see me without my shirt. That’s both to prevent me getting a sunburn of legendary proportions on my fishbelly white skin, and because some things just should never be seen. 😀

You shouldn’t wear weird things, or act weird in public. There is a huge difference between weird and eccentric. I am very very eccentric – that doesn’t make me weird, odd, “three fries short of a happy meal,” or “in the boat without a paddle & three miles away from the lake.” My elevator does indeed go all the way to the top floor, and just because I like to wear a fez with a sea turtle on it (or other assorted hats for example), or carry a walking staff instead of a cane, it doesn’t make me a nutcase. And if people think I am, again, it’s their issue. Not mine. Life is filled with wonder, laughter, and joy, and it’s far too short to let all that wonder pass you by for the sake of appearances.

So yes, I will continue to wear hats. And purple shoes. And really loud shirts, even at church. I will continue to be different, since I couldn’t be “normal” if I tried. One can be eccentric without being spacey, and one can be unique without being odd. When you realize that God made you that way, you can celebrate it!

I have discovered that I am gifted. I am loving and kind. I am intelligent, expressive, curious, filled with a sense of wonder, and thankful for the gift of each new day. I am loved by God, and was bought with a great price to become His son. I am happiest when I am using the gifts He has given me to encourage and uplift others. Music is my special gift, and the way He has given me to express His glory. I am wonderfully made, and even though I am currently super morbidly obese, with His help and His strength, I can change that. When I acknowledge these things, my light shines for Him. I must not listen to negative thoughts, harmful influences, or the voice of the enemy speaking lies to me – that causes my light to darken. My goal is to always think about how wonderful He is, and to celebrate His work in me – to let my light shine for His glory.

And really Mom, I think that’s the way you always wanted me to be. 😀


  1. There’s nothing wrong with having a few extra fries in your happy meal. It just makes you smarter than the average bear, as my grandfather used to say.

    This is good stuff.

  2. jenelle says:

    Splendid conclusions and appropriate for who you are. You are note defined by what others see, you are defined by who’s you are – and what He sees.

    Those who truly care want nothing more than you to be happy, healthy, and honoring God.

  3. Anonymous says:

    You know that we always have your back (regardless how how big you may think it is… 🙂 ), and always have our support .

    Slim Jim

  4. Denise says:

    As I’ve said elsewhere, I love you, as you are.

    But admittedly it is easier to love you when you are not engrossed in self-loathing. (I’m guessing that goes for all of us.)

    So — as you said — “shine” and celebrate the good things God has given you and allowed you to be. And work to change or improve those things that do not bring Him glory. True for us all?

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