When I Grow Up, Again… ad infinitum…

Here’s another installment of “When I Grow Up”, which was begun back here in When I Grow Up Again…which then explains the whole “another installment” thing.

I’m learning to move – to test the waters, to try the doors and see if they’re open, to find my course, and to do so without any sort of “Deus ex Machina.” I’m on the wire, without a net OR a little pink umbrella.

And I think I may have stumbled over something important. (Or as the old saying goes, “What are toes for? To find furniture in the dark.” Owwwwww)

To clarify, it’s something semi-sort-of-potentially-possibly-maybe important to my limited but learning view of the world. Truth be told, what I stumble over is usually something the rest of the adult world has known and practiced for years. In fact, my dear mom would be rolling her eyes a bit, since such things are “common sense,” and she always wondered why I have so little of that particular commodity…

“Meesa too,” said Jar-Jar Calbert.

Anyway, it’s comforting to know that I do stumble over something once in a while in what seems like an everlasting pool of ponder. I think it’s kind of like having spent $500 in the casino, then finally winning $5, which convinces you to spend another $300 to see if you’ll win another $5. 

(Truthfully, the whole gambling thing makes no sense to me whatsoever. I think actually holding on to some money and using it correctly is much more exciting than watching it flow away faster than the output of one of those new-fangled power flush toilets – This from a guy that used to frustrate his beloved on a weekly if not every-other-daily basis from the influx of eBay acquisitions. Life 2.0 – better for the bod, WAY better for the budget)

(However, I HAVE been ogling some ocarinas…)

The Dwarf Ocarina from STL Ocarina!  It’d be amazing to have this little puppy sitting in its stand on my whistle table, getting weird stares from folks, and THEN pick it up and play it! Woo hoo!!

So anyway, in the midst of all my pondering, eventually sometimes I do find a nugget of goodness… After all, even a broken clock is right twice a day. (Which in this day of digital clocks doesn’t mean diddly, but it did when I was way younger than I am now.


Anyway, let’s get past the outside fluffy and into the nugget-y goodness…

What if charting my course isn’t about dropping interests and pursuits so I can “grow up,” “settle down,” and “act my age, not my shoe size?” 

(Because if it includes any of those, I am SO hosed…)

What if it’s taking the things I truly love, and focusing (or limiting) the RANGE of what I do with them? Making space to improve and perfect the pursuits I’m after, rather than trying to do everything all the time with them?

In other words, try to become better at what I already love.


– Instead of trying to make such a huge variety of wire wrapped jewelry, or trying every cool technique I come across, I focus on a few things that I do well, make them a lot, so that I work toward perfecting how I make them, and use that to improve my skill?

– Instead of trying every crochet project that my eyes come upon, I figure out which projects I like, that I think are beautiful or useful, and I work in that area, honing my skills and improving them?

– Instead of trying to keep up on all styles of music and all instruments, I really focus on a few instruments that I truly love, and what type of music really fits with my “voice,” and make those the projects I work hard at, to perfect my craft and become better?

– I keep after my vision of writing my book and posting on my blog, focusing on that and not caring about numbers or popularity? Simply writing the things the Lord puts in front of me and trusting that He will put them where they need to go, to encourage or challenge the people He intended them for? (Even if that “people” is only me…)

Interesting ponderables, eh wot?

As I “mature” in life 2.0, and try to “act my age” after being ReBorn, what’s still fair game? What stuff is alright, desirable, or permissible to be written on this “blank slate?” (Tabula Rasa

And in this process, am I losing the absolute joy of getting to create “stuff,” as I try to “chart the course?” Am I missing the point? To try, explore, and find wonder?

Does our Father help us narrow our vision, so that the pursuits we truly love remain, and others fall, leaving us free to chase after the ones that are really important?

Am I so right-brained that I live in a fantasy world of yarn, gold or silver wire, and typing on a little keyboard while I should be doing something  “real” with my time and energy?

Is there any bacon in the house?

(Sometimes, it’s safer for me to write at a coffeehouse than approximately 10 feet from the kitchen. Ah well…)

(Mmmm… Bacon.)

I have no answers for this exhaustive (and exhausting) list of questions. But I think I’ve found something to hang on to – focus the pursuits you want to continue, narrow the scope, and find the joy and wonder of getting to create, remembering how much our Father loves to watch His kids do stuff, and make stuff, and learn stuff.

As I said in part 1, I think it’s time for more doing, trying, and moving, and less pondering, thinking, and considering. So I’m going to take this little nugget, trot it around the track instead of setting it on the shelf and looking at it, and see what droppings fall. 

(Man – my “bad analogy lock” must be stuck on this little keyboard thingie. Sorry about that… )

Anyway, I’m guessing that there are other gentlebeings around that might be feeling like “The party’s over, and I’m really depressed.” If so, let us ponder together, move from ponder to pursue, and try to smack some of these nuggets outta the park.

Let’s move away from, “I’m too old; Too many of my days are gone; It’s far too late to dream; What you got, you got.”

“It’s too late baby, oh it’s too late, though we really did try to make it.” 

(Yup – that’s a song quote. I’ll admit it – “I can’t hide it, I just can’t fake it.”)

(And no, I don’t “probably think that song is about me.”)

Who wants to “grow up” and “become an adult,” if all that means is you give up all the good stuff? Instead, maybe “growing up” is just defining the spaces and boundaries we get to explore in our ongoing adventure with our Father. 

Move, try, explore, consider, focus, refine. And along the way, find joy, wonder, and lots of smiles as I make refrigerator art for my Father. 

He loves it when I do that.

One comment

  1. Anonymous says:

    I love that thought process of yours and when you share stuff such as these growing pains I am right there with you and think well what an inspiration you are and yours and mine Father would be very proud of you. God bless keep it coming . I need it and you reaffirm I am not the only one to struggle with how to be and pursue the creativeness in this here world. Love and God bless sue.

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