Another 2.2 lbs lost, taking me down to 365.6. I just realized today that I’m now less than 100 lbs away from my goal of 270. When I started this thing at 486, that was about as far away as Mars, but on this side of it, 95 lbs doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal. I know it’s all a matter of perspective, but these days my perspective seems to have taken a 180 and is headed toward positive.
I’ve always been a pessimist. (Or a “Realist” as I would say) Not too upbeat, not too perky, lest life notice what a great time I’m having and decide to throw some “stuff” my way just to even out the scales. Isn’t that a great attitude for someone who professes to be a follower of Jesus?… But, it’s always been in my personality to see the negative, and to respond with sarcasm and anger to most things. Especially sarcasm – it’s always been my main weapon. I can push people away so quickly with just a couple of comments, and that’s how I protected myself. Rather than giving anyone a chance to take a swipe at the fat man, fire the first shot. That’s how you keep vicious playmates in check at recess in the dog-eat-dog world of elementary school.
The wit God has graced me with (and which my mom had in abundance) can be a gift – it can bring laughter in all sorts of situations, and can be a blessing to brighten people’s days. But the other side of that sword is that it can be turned into an offensive weapon very quickly, and can tear someone down before I’m even aware of it. And, I certainly know how to turn it inward, to tear myself down. Ask Vicki sometime about my self-image… Not pretty, let me tell you.
And yet, it’s changing. When I look at where I was just a year ago, walking through this fast for the first time, seeing these little victories, it’s amazing what kind of impact that has made. It changes everything! Going though some of the classes at MMPC, and comparing my thoughts and feelings now to where I was a year ago – amazing!
So, am I suddenly turning into “Mr. Perky Person?” Not likely. 🙂 But, the world does seem brighter these days. And, that’s all we really need, isn’t it? A little morning – a little light on the path, and it can change everything.
“Lead, Kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom. Lead Thou me on. The night is dark, and I am far from home. Lead Thou me on. Guide Thou my feet – I do not ask to see the distant scene. One step enough, enough for me.” (if you’ve never heard Ken Medema sing this amazing hymn, it’s worth finding. Really. 🙂