Category: Humor

Phabulous Photo Phriday… On Saturday.

So, last week ended up being a Phantom Phabulous Photo Phriday.
’cause we were on vacation…

Up here…

 In this…

Which is pretty much the reason we try and go across this…

At least once this time of year to get more of that than we get down here…
And unlike her last visit in August…
Where she did some… exploring…
Beka decided to just chillax this time…
Sleep in late with momma…

And watch Puppy Bowl IX with daddy.

You know… just your basic relaxing vacation.

Phabulous Photo Phriday!

Due to the huge outpouring of public support for last week’s photo Phriday…

*sound of crickets*
*sound of silence*
*sound of what in the neon light I saw…*

I’m gonna launch another one. Right here. Right now.

*sound of crickets*
*sound of silence*
*sound of the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls*

Well then… Carry on we shall.

That all creatures might fall under the influence of my cuteness, I call forth the awesome power of…
 THE PUPPY TONGUE!
 That’s right, peeps – the most powerful force of cuteness in all the starry universe! The puppy tongue!

 Does a fine job cleaning excess kibble of the ol’ nose too! Um, I mean… FORGET YOU SAW THAT!! Feel the cuteness FLOW…
There.  
*waves paw in mystical mind control gesture*
 This IS the cuteness you’re looking for.

The cuteness hath been brung.
And now, a musical moment with The Beka…
 
“In the village, the peaceful village,
the puppy sleeps tonight…”
“In the village, the quiet village…”
“The puppy sleeps tonight.”
 “WIMOWEH-A-WIMOWEH!!”

What the HECK is a “wimoweh” anyway? Sheesh – the things daddy makes me do to keep him entertained. A few bowls of kibble a day really don’t make it worth putting up with this stuff. Time to shred more underwear…
Thanks for joining us for Phabulous Photo Phridays! Tune in next week to hear BekaV say…
 “Climb every momma! Ford every chair! 
Follow every tennis ball, ’tillllll youuuuu shred 
daddddddddd’s shoooorrrrttttsssss!!!!”
Thank ya, uh thank ya very mucchhh…

Phabulous Photo Phridays!!

So here’s the deal – I decided that since a) some of my family and friends don’t do the Facebook thing, and b) since they then miss stuff like puppy photos, etc… Well, there’s something I can do about that.

Welcome to Photo Phriday on TW’sW’s, wherein I grab some photos from my FB page, including the witty commentary (or lack thereof) and display it for my peeps to see.

OK – mostly for my aunt. Since she’s not an FB peep.

OK – for a few others too. After all, we do have a readership here of, um, let me check…

3.58 readers! (wow – that’s a great upsurge…)

So, for today’s Photo Phriday (’cause it’s phresh and phat to spell it like dat!), I take you back to June 16th, 2012 – BekaV’s Gotcha Day! Sherman, if you’ll set the Way Back Machine, we’ll get this party started!…

Hi, Peeps!!
I’m Beka Valentine, and I’ve just been adopted!
But I still haven’t pooped… yet…
First car ride? Knocked ov-ah! No big deal…
And I hear there’s good grub waiting at “home” – whatever that is…
Puppy teeth, meet puppy toy.
Puppy teeth, meet momma toy. *ouch!*
Grinning for the camera…
“A girl’s gotta s-i-i-i-n-n-n-g-g-g!!!!!” (or at least vocalize a little…)
Yes. Yes, I do have pretty eyes. Thanks for noticing.
(What won’t become apparent until some weeks from now is that they’re actually amber in color…)
  
Being a puppy is tough work – got to grab a quick nap…
We’re home!!!!!!!!
Yup – it IS good grub!
Here’s my new yard… seems huge to a 7 week old…
Smelling doggie smells…
 Doing doggie CSI…
And other outdoor “activities.”
(“Good girl!” says momma, “Ewww!” says daddy.
Guess who’s standing behind me…)

“Just kidding – good girl!”

“Let’s go back in the house…”

These steps are freakin’ HUGE…

Um, help? A little help here? 7 week old needs assistance?  
YO, BIG DUDE!!

“Oops – sorry!”
No biggie, daddy – just remember this when I shred your underwear later…

Ok – so this is “home,” these are my “people,” this is my “family…”

I can dig it.

Warm, cozy, comforted, safe. All is good.

Happy Father’s Day, daddy.

Eat, poop, sleep, repeat. I got this gig. See you tomorrow!

Thanks for joining us for Phabulous Photo Phriday! Tune in next week to hear BekaV say…

I was SUCH a cute puppy! Oh, and the underwear thing? 
I wasn’t kidding. Hee hee hee…

Island Lessons

During our all-too-short week in Newberry, we took a day trip to Mackinac Island.
Wow.
We hadn’t been on the island since our tenth anniversary (I think – might have been longer), and since we’re coming up on number twenty-nine, we’re overdue. Last time, we took a carriage tour, wandered and shopped a bit, but that was about all I could manage at that weight and condition.
Not so this time, my friends.
This time, I went as a Stone Cold Trike Rider – Death from Beside (and Slightly Below…), to use our adapted motto from Avatar. And, to our delight, we discovered after emailing the folks at the island ferry that recumbent trikes are not only allowed, they cost the same as any bike to take over.
Well, hot dang.
We also discovered that by purchasing our tickets online, we not only saved a few bucks, but the tickets are good for one round trip ride, any date the ferry sails. So, buy the tickets before we leave, pick the best day for weather while we’re up north, and off to the island we go.
And we did.
There are some interesting things one can learn seeing Mackinac Island from thirteen inches off the ground. Allow me to lay a few of them on you:
1) Horse exhaust is really, really big.
1a) Especially when seated thirteen inches off the ground…
2) When seated on a tadpole trike, a horse’s knee is just about level with your head. His sphincter is above your head. You really don’t want to verify this – take my word for it.
3) If you’re the kind of person that doesn’t like to be noticed, doesn’t want to stand out from the crowd, or doesn’t want to spend time answering questions like “where did you get that COOL bike?”, then you may not have what it takes to be one of the few, the proud, a Stone Cold Trike Rider – Death from Beside (and Slightly Below…).
Excuse me… a few Marines want to have a word with me outside after that last bit.
Seriously, the things we overheard were all variations on “what is that thing?” Lots of “COOL!” thrown in for good measure, and not a few “where can I rent one of those?” Sadly, you can’t. No trike rentals on the island. Maybe someday, although I’d probably still take my own.
4) The highway that circles Mackinac Island is in fact a state highway: M-185. It’s 8 miles long, and is the only state highway in the country that is car-free. It is magnificent, and I’d move there in a heartbeat just to have it become my morning commute.
5) Seagulls are pretty big and bold on the island. I wouldn’t be surprised that there are a lot of seagull muggings that we never hear of – it’s all hushed up by the folks at the tourist office. Be warned – if you have what the seagulls want, just hand it over. Trust me.
6) Being able to not only look at souvenir t-shirts and sweatshirts and hoodies, but finding an abundance in your size and being able to actually think about buying the aforementioned garments is a joy that most people don’t understand.
6a) Finding a couple of t-shirts on CLEARANCE is a joy that we all can relate to.
7) Once you get out of “downtown,” the island becomes a lot less “touristy” and much more beautiful.
7a) I grew up near the Lake Huron shoreline. This was like being home again.
8) Vicki hasn’t said this right out loud, but I think traveling with me has become so much a) easier; b) simpler; c) funner than it ever was before. We go, we ride, we walk, without her having to be on the lookout for someplace I can sit down. She doesn’t have to walk through stores by herself, while I sit and wheeze on a bench outside. She can take the time to shoot a few hundred pictures without being concerned that my legs will give out shortly.
She can enjoy things WITH me, instead of having to take care OF me. That rocks!
9) In either time we’ve been to the Island, we haven’t been to the Grand Hotel. I admire and appreciate it – I just don’t feel like paying to see it.
9a) We do love the movie “Somewhere In Time,” but not enough to go during the Somewhere In Time festival thingie they have on the island.
9b) “RIIIIICCCHHHHHAAARRRRRDDD!!!” is my favorite quote from the movie. I have issues.
10) Letting your kids get out their excess energy by taking off around the island? Great and groovy. Letting them do so under the impression that M-185 is their personal extreme bike stunt track? Not so much.
10a) I always wear my helmet, but not because of how I ride…
10b) I also wear my helmet because when my hair grew out, it decided to turn curly. I look like a Chia Pet. Helmet head is much better than fluffy head.
11) The horse always wins. ALWAYS. He has weapons you can’t imagine and don’t want to experience. “You don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger, and you don’t mess around with” HORSE.
11a) Neither do you “spit into the wind” or “tug on Superman’s cape,” just to be clear.
12) The Mackinac Bridge is one of my favorite sights. I never ever get tired of looking at it.
12a) If someone from an institution of higher learning in the U.P. is looking for a database developer, and the drive from there to St. Ignace wouldn’t be too far for someone else to get some summer gigs or jobs on the island, boy do I have a deal for you…
13) I hope that I never become so jaded that I lose the wonder of how easy it is to move around these days. I sometimes laugh out loud at the ease I find in just doing simple things, and I don’t want to ever take that for granted. It was never a question if I could make it all the way around the island, just if we were going to do it once or twice.
14) Horses have a lot of “output.” They are regular and carefree creatures, and leave evidence of that where’er they roam.
14a) I don’t ever EVER want to be a farrier. I’ve seen where those horseshoes have been.
15) It is possible to visit the Island and not once set foot into a fudge shop. Those in the know wait until they get back to St. Ignace, where the lines aren’t so long.
15a) There are fudge shops in Mackinaw City also, just for the record.
16) Smoked fish is delicious.
(Yes, this is a pretty random list. Why do you ask?)
16a) The store at the Cut River Bridge on US-2 has amazing fish.
17) My mother-in-law noted that you have to be pretty “obsessed” to travel with trikes, having seen the stuff we bring along to be able to ride. I guess I am obsessed. I can live with that.
18) Did you know there’s a B.C. Pizza in St. Ignace? And it’s right next to the parking lot where one can park for the ferry? And that a thin crust pizza after a day of riding around an island is a beautiful thing?
18a) I don’t believe there’s a B.C. Pizza in Mackinaw City. Makes it worth paying the bridge toll, eh?
18b) There is one in Lake City, so you could always grab it on the way home. If you can wait that long, that is.
19) I get just as queasy sitting in the main cabin of the ferry as I do sitting on the open top deck, huddling in the wind as my wife shoots pictures. Motion uneasiness is no respecter of person or position.
20) We aren’t going to wait another ten or fifteen years to go back to the island. Or even five. In fact, I wonder what the plans are for this weekend…
The best lesson? That God has brought me to such a wonderful new place, and I need to spend my days reminding myself and others how amazing His grace is. No snitty days, no pity parties, no getting irritated at traffic. When God has put so much grace in your life, you need to be gracious.
Thanks Lord for our time away. Thanks for the island lessons. Thanks for the strength and joy to move around that amazing place. Thanks for Vicki, and giving me the chance to share life with her.
And thanks for keeping me from losing an axle in a big ol’ pile of…
horse exhaust.
Amen. And amen.
(If you’re a Facebook peep, you’ll find a few pictures from our Island trip in my photos. If you’re a FB peep, but aren’t my friend, hit me with a request. If you’re not into the Facebook, I’ll try and put something photogenic together and post it on the blog. Sometime. Maybe.)

Dear Chicky…

Dear Chicken,

My. That seems so cold and formal… do you mind if I call you Chicky? No? Thanks much…

Dear Chicky,

You are gone, dispatched, shipped, cooked, packaged and now removed from my fridge for the final indignity – deboned. I truly hope that your brief life was pleasant, and that your departure from this world was humane and kind, but since I didn’t know you then or have any control of that, let’s move on…

As I… um… remove your non-tasty bits and place your um… tasty bits into a storage bag, I wanted to express my appreciation. I’m a post-surgical patient who depends on creatures like you and some of your feathered relatives to supply me with lots and lots of protein, so without your contribution to my life, I’d soon become malnourished, my hair would fall out, and I’d wind up taking a vacation at St. Mary’s. You help prevent that, and I thank you.

In addition, I’m one of those poor souls who gags every time I try to eat Tofu, certain beans no longer work with my new physiology, and one can only swallow so many protein shakes. So again, the place you have in my day-to-day existence is important, and once again I say thanks.

The Creator who made us both and decided where our place would be on the… um… well, let’s just say it, the food chain, He chose your particular rung, and He chose mine. And although at first glance that would appear to place me on a ‘higher’ rung than you, the truth is that with a higher rung comes more responsibility. He reminds me to be mindful, to be caring and compassionate, to be a good steward of His creation, and above all to be thankful.

So, rest assured that the portion of your existence that has come into my home will be treated with respect. The parts that are useful will be used to benefit myself, my wife, and, should some scraps fall to the floor, our dog. The non-useful parts (which is another discussion entirely) will be disposed of with proper care and dignity. (Although what happens to them after they make their way to the big blue plastic thingie is out of my control – sorry…)

Your useful parts will find their way into a number of wonderful places, such as the Ramen noodles I am presently enjoying. Indeed, they have added some wonderful flavor and texture to the noodles, for which some grain gave up its existence, as well as the most mysterious substance in our world, the bright yellow powder in the silver packet. (Oh so tasty, but I really don’t want to know what that stuff is…) In a few hours, more of your tasty parts will join some Roma tomatoes and flatbread to make a lovely sandwich, anointed with that other mysterious substance, Miracle Whip, that I love so very much.

I guess the point of these random thoughts while engaged in removing the non-tasty bits from the tasty bits is this: to be mindful of God’s good gifts, from the creatures, to the grain, to the mysterious substances, as He again provides what we need for this day. So, with a grateful heart and a full tummy, I thank Him. And you.

*belch*

Sorry you had to hear that. It must have been the noodles – certainly not you. Really. No, really.

*burp*

Alright – that was the dog. You can’t pin that one on me. Nope. See? She’s licking her chops. Sure sign of… um… something. Yeah.

Until we meet again, in a couple of hours, I remain,

Your friend, ever so briefly,

Cal

The Force is strong with this one…

I don’t usually do well at these quizzes. But hey – when you’re a Jedi Master, you gotta show off a tad… then repent, tell the Dark Side to go away, and get on with life. 😀

Is the Force with you?

Your Result: True Master Status

Woe be unto the stormtrooper who pisses thy off. You can take on a padawan if you so choose. You are free to choose your own missions, and disagree with the council. Go hand some baddies their @sses, oh, and may the force be with you 😉

Young Master

Council Member

Padawan

Academy Trainee

Bounty hunter

Undercover sith lord

Imperial Army

Is the Force with you?

Titles of the non-rich and non-famous…

I thought this one was cute…

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Sir Carlton the Sonorous of Westley Waterless
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

And, as for my dulcet darling…

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Countess-Palatine Victoria the Apocalyptic of Giggleswick under Table
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

And, if you don’t think Vicki is Apocalyptic, you haven’t seen her when she’s ticked at me…